After a three-week hiatus in which I helped put on a play and then had surgery (or was getting ready for it), I’m back with an easier prose adaptation for Catullus 11. I must confess to being particularly saucy in this poem’s adaptation and putting on quite a display of heckling. I may or may not have had the Muppets in mind.
After all, if you were Furius and Aurelius, how would you respond to Catullus suddenly talking about all these distant places you were supposedly game to travel to with no idea what he was really getting at? Wouldn’t you heckle (at least internally)? Wouldn’t you wonder exactly where Catullus was going with all this nonsense?
So, I may have deviated a bit in tone, or maybe, just picked up on how ridiculously pretentious Catullus is being in this moment. I do wonder what set Catullus off in this way, but I couldn’t help but keep Lesbia’s resolve from my earlier adaptations. So, I had her reach out to get an object of hers back from Catullus, a common, awkward need we can all relate to. This letter sets the stage for Catullus’ need to declare his love as dead as a dead, dead rose. I also found it particularly interesting that he still called her mea puella.
I had a lot of fun with this, and I hope you enjoy my easier prose adaptation of Catullus 11. And if you forever think of Furius and Aurelius as Statler and Waldorf, Muppets who heckle their lovesick friend who is making bad choices, well, I will consider that my own sort of victory. Let me know what you think of my spin on this poem.
If you would like to return to Catullus 10, here’s the link. I hope to get back to writing a Catullus adaptation once a week, but I’ve also started writing my next novella. We’ll see!
Catullus 11: An Easier Prose Adaptation
Apud domum suam, Catullus epistulam scrīptam ā Lesbiā accipit. Catullus epistulam legit.
Catullō Lesbia salūtem dīcit.
Quaesō, redde mihi caveam[1] meam quae apud domum tuam est. Volō alterum passerem emere.
Valē,
Lesbia
Quid est hoc? Catullus īrātus est. Lesbia nihil dē Catullō scrībit. Lesbia nōn vult Catullum reddī. Lesbia caveam vult quia vult alterum passerem emere. Vah! Lesbia nōn vult alterum passerem—Lesbia alterum virum—aliōs virōs—vult!
Catullus multō īrātior est. Catullus duās epistulās celerius scrībit ut auxilium accipiat, et deinde exspectat et exspectat.
Duo amīcī Catullī ad domum tandem veniunt, et Catullus eōs in ātriō exspectat. Cum amīcī in ātrium intrant, Catullus statim dīcere incipit.
Catullus dīcit, “Salvēte Fūrī et Aurēlī,[2] ō amīcī—nōn, comitēs Catullī[3]—gaudeō vōs vidēns.”
Fūrius Aurēlium spectat, et Aurēlius Fūrium spectat. Nesciunt cūr apud domum Catullī adsint. Cōnfūsī sunt.
Catullus dīcit, “Sīve[4] Catullus in extrēmōs Indōs penetrābit[5] ut[6] lītus longē resonante Eōā undā tunditur—”[7]
Fūrius Aurēliō susurrat, “Ego nāvigāre ad extrēmōs Indōs[8] nōlō etiamsī Catullus amīcus noster est.”
Aurēlius respondet susurrāns, “Ego quoque—aliud lītus[9] numquam vidēre volō nisi lītus Ītaliae. Eōa unda longissimē[10] est.”
Catullus susurrūs nōn audit, et dīcit, “Sīve[11] Catullus ipse in Hyrcānōs[12] aut Ārabēs mollēs[13] penetrābit,[14] seu Sāgās[15] aut sagittiferōs Parthōs,[16] sīve aequora quae septegeminus Nīlus colōrat—”[17]
Fūrius Aurēliō susurrat, “Quō Catullus it?”
Aurēlius susurrat, “Putō Catullum ipsum nescīre quō eat.”
Fūrius respondet susurrāns, “Spērō Catullum ad nūllōs locōs īre… sed mē dēlectāvit septegeminus Nīlus.”[18]
Aurēlius respondet susurrat, “Nōn mē dēlectant Hyrcānī Ārabēsve seu Sāgās sagittiferōsve Parthōs.”[19]
Fūrius susurrat, “Quem dēlectant sagittiferī[20]populī?”
Catullus susurrūs nōn audit, et dīcit, “Sīve trāns altās Alpēs gradiētur,[21] vīsēns magnī Caesarī monimenta,[22] Gallicum Rhēnum, horribile aequor, ultimōsque Britānnōs—”[23]
Aurēlius susurrat, “Ad Britanniam nōn eō.”
Fūrius respondet, susurrāns, “Quō Catullus it? Quid vult?”
Aurēlius susurrat, “Tōtus nesciō.”
Catullus susurrus nōn audit, sed exclāmat, “Omnia haec[24] nārrāvī—ad omnēs locōs quōs dēscrīpsī—vōs simul parātī temptāre omnia haec—”[25]
Fūrius dīcit, “Nōlō temptāre![26] Nōn parātus[27] sum!”
Aurēlius respondet, “Nec[28] ego temptāre parātus[29] sum!”
Catullus fortasse eōs audiēns, dīcit, “Quaecumque voluntās caelitum feret—”[30]
Fūrius susurrat, “Voluntās[31] illōrum caelitum[32] fīnem ōrātiōnis Catullī ferat.”[33]
Aurēlius rīdet.
Catullus dīcit, “Nūntiāte,[34] amīcī, pauca nōn bona dicta puellae meae.”[35]
Aurēlius rogat, “Adsumusne ut aliquid Lesbiae nūntiēmus?[36]
Fūrius rogat, “Nōnne puella tua nōn iam est?”
Catullus paulō īrātior dīcit, “Quōmodo puella mea esse potest? Ista fēmina vīvat valeatque cum suīs virīs—illīs moechīs![37] Amāns nūllum vērē,[38] sed eōs simul complexa[39], ista tenēre trecentōs moechōs[40] potest. Trecentōs virōs complexa est![41] Quam horribilis est ista puella!”
Aurēlius Fūriō susurrat, “Nōnne Catullus dīxit puellam meam?”[42]
Fūrius respondet, “Sīc, hoc dīxit.”
Catullus dīcit, “Vah, et rumpere īlia omnium[43] hōrum trecentōrum[44] virōrum identidem[45] potest!”
Fūrius Catullum rogat, “Eh, amīce, cūr adsumus? Vīsne ut nōs nūntiēmus[46] aliquid Lesbiae?”
Catullus respondet, “Lesbia amōrem meum nōn respectet,[47] ut ante[48] amōrem meum spectābat. Culpā[49] Lesbiae, amor meus cecidit,[50] velut flōs ultimī prātī cecidit.”[51]
Fūrius Aurēlium spectat. Putat Catullum esse īnsānum et Catullum valdē velle Lesbiam revēnīre.
Fūrius rogat, “Sed quōmodo ille flōs cecidit?”[52]
Catullus respondet, “Vah, Fūrī, nōnne tū amīcus meus est? Nōnne scīs?
Fūrius cōgitat et respondet, “Em, postquam ille flōs tāctus est praetereunte arātrō?”[53]
Aurēlius inter Fūrium et Catullum spectat. Rogat, “Sed quis flōs[54] est et quis illud arātrum?”[55]
Amīcī Catullī eum vexant, et Catullus portam dēmōnstrat et clāmat, “Ābīte! Vōs nūntium meum habētis, ābīte et nūntiāte[56] quae puellae meae dīxī.
Fūrius respondet, “Vēnī, Aurēlī, eāmus ad nūntiandum omnia nōn bona dicta[57] Lesbiae.”
Et Catullus iterum sōlus est, cum illā epistulā scrīpta ā Lesbia.
[1] Bird cage, not in the poem
[2] Furius and Aurelius, friends of Catullus
[3] Comrades of Catullus
[4] Whether
[5] Will penetrate to the farthest borders of India (distant, outermost)
[6] Where—a rare use
[7] The shore is battered by the far resounding Eastern wave
[8] To the farthest borders of India
[9] Shore
[10] The Eastern wave is very far
[11] Whether
[12] To Hyrcania (an enemy of Rome)
[13] Soft Arabs; a stereotype based on what Roman considered excessive luxuries
[14] Will penetrate
[15] Or to the Scythians
[16] Or the arrow-bearing Parthians
[17] Whether to the seas which the seven-mouthed Nile colors
[18] Seven-mouthed Nile
[19] The Hyrcanians, or the Arabians, or the Scythians, or the arrow-bearing Parthians
[20] Arrow-bearing
[21] Whether he will walk across the lofty Alps
[22] Visiting the monuments of Great Caesar
[23] The Gallic Rhine, the horrible sea (here, the English Channel), and the remote Brittains,
[24] All these things
[25] At once prepared to try all these things
[26] To try, undertake
[27] Prepared
[28] Nor
[29] Prepared to try
[30] Whatever the wish of the gods will bring
[31] Wish
[32] Of the gods; deorum
[33] Let (the wish) bring
[34] Announce
[35] A few not good things said to my girl
[36] We may announce
[37] Let her live and be well with her … adulterers.
[38] Loving none truly
[39] But having embraced at one time
[40] To hold three hundred adulterers
[41] She has embraced three hundred
[42] My girl; interesting, that he still calls her so.
[43] To break the loans of all
[44] Three hundred
[45] Repeatedly
[46] We announce
[47] Let (Lesbia) not look back at my love
[48] As earlier, as before
[49] By the fault, blame
[50] Fell
[51] Just as the flower of the farthest meadow fell
[52] Did that flower fall?
[53] After that flower was touched by a passing plow
[54] Flower
[55] Plow
[56] Announce
[57] Not good things said
Catullus 11: English Word Order
Fūrī et Aurēlī, comitēs Catullī, sīve penetrābit in extrēmōs Indōs, ut lītus tunditur longē resonante Eōā undā, sīve in Hyrcānōs -ve mollēs Arabēs, seu Sagās -ve sagittiferōs Parthōs, sīve septemgeminus Nīlus quae colōrat aequora, sīve gradiētur trāns altās Alpēs, vīsēns monimenti magnī Caesaris, Gallicum Rhēnum, horribile aequor, -que ultīmōs Britannōs, omnia haec, quaecumque voluntās caelitum feret, (vōs) parātī simul temptāre, nūntiāte pauca nōn bona dicta meae puellae. (Lesbia) vīvat -que valeat cum suīs moechīs, quōs complexa simul tenet trecentōs (moechōs), amāns nūllum vērē, sed rumpēns īlia omnium identidem; nec (Lesbia) respectet meum amōrem, ut ante, quī cecidit culpa illius (Lesbiae) velut flōs ultimī prātī, postquam tactus est praetereunte arātrō.
Catullus 11: The Original Poem
Fūrī et Aurēlī, comitēs Catullī, sīve in extrēmōs penetrābit Indōs, lītus ut longē resonante Eōā tunditur undā, sīve in Hyrcānōs Arabēsve mollēs, seu Sagās sagittiferōsve Parthōs, sīve quae septemgeminus colōrat aequora Nīlus, sīve trāns altās gradiētur Alpēs, Caesaris vīsēns monimenta magnī, Gallicum Rhēnum, horribile aequor, ultī- mōsque Britannōs, omnia haec, quaecumque feret voluntās caelitum, temptāre simul parātī, pauca nūntiāte meae puellae nōn bona dicta. Cum suīs vīvat valeatque moechīs, quōs simul complexa tenet trecentōs, nūllum amāns vērē, sed identidem omnium īlia rumpēns; nec meum respectet, ut ante, amōrem, quī illĭus culpā cecidit velut prātī ultimī flōs, praetereunte postquam tactus arātrō est.
The image for this title page comes from the British Library’s catalogue of illuminated manuscripts. I am grateful that the image is dedicated to the public domain. I have done minor photoshop editing to clarify the image, crop it, and add a heading for the poem.
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