In Catullus 10, Catullus gets his comeuppance for attempting to pretend to be wealthier than he really is in order to impress his friend Varus’ puella. He fails miserably and reacts a little bit petulantly when his ruse fails. This poem, too, has a content warning, but it is far more tame than the painful (to me) Catullus 6.
The words at issue are scortillum and cinaediorem. Scortillum is an interesting words with its diminutive ending, which could possibly connote some kind of endearment. However, by the end of the poem, Catullus reverts to calling her cinaediorem instead, a particularly harsh word. It’s interesting that he reverts to using this pejorative after she has essentially bested him. Sometimes when a woman wins, she loses too. I couldn’t help letting her get the last word in.
I did not change much in this story beyond fleshing out some additional dialogue and giving voice to the woman’s response.
If you want to return to Catullus 9, that link is here. Stay tuned for Catullus 11.
Catullus 10: An Easier Prose Adaption
Vārus[1] et Catullus in forō[2] sunt. Catullus ōtiōsus[3] est, spectāns omnēs in forō loquentēs et rīdentēs, sed Vārus in forō esse nōn iam vult.
Vārus bracchium Catullō capit et exclāmat, “Venī mēcum, Catulle!”
Catullus rogat, “Cūr?”
Vārus rīdet, “Quia vidēre meum scortillum[4] volō! Itaque, venī mēcum! Dūcō[5] tē vīsum[6] ad meōs amōrēs!”[7]
Catullus forum iterum spectat, sed dūcitur[8] ā Vārō ad amōrēs eius,[9] dīcēns, “Sed quid agam?”
Vārus respondet, “Venī, proxima forō est.”
Vārus Catullum dūcit[10] ad locum proximum forō et intrat. Catullus quoque intrat, et tum repente[11] Catullus scortillum[12] videt. Catullō statim vidētur[13] nōn sānē illepidum neque invenustum.[14] Puella lepida[15] et venusta[16] est, et Vārō vīsō, puella gaudet.
Aliī quoque adsunt, loquentēs et rīdentēs. Sermōnēs variī sunt,[17] et incidimus[18] in mediōs sermōnēs,[19] sed omnēs nōs spectant.
“Salvē, Vāre! Et…” puella dīcit mē spectāns.
“Catullus,” Catullus dīcit.
Alius rogat, “Sed umquamne tū ad Bīthȳniam[20] īvistī?”
Vir respondet, “Sīc! Revēnī nūperrimē ā Bīthȳniā.”
Puella et omnēs virum spectat. Catullus virum quoque spectat. Vir superbus vidētur[21] quia scientiam dē Bīthȳniā tenet. Catullus ipse dē Bīthȳniā scit quia ad Bīthȳniam īvit.[22]
Vārus rogat, “Et quid est iam Bīthȳnia?[23] Quōmodo sē habet Bīthȳnia?”[24]
Puella Vārum spectat, et Catullus tum repente[25] invidiōsus est. Catullus exclāmat antequam vir respondēre potest, “Ego quoque ad Bīthȳniam īvī.”
Vir Catullum lentē spectat. Tunicam antīquam Catullī videt. Vir rīdet, “Et quōnam tibi prōfuerit aere?”[26]
Catullus puellam et Vārum spectat. Hoc agere potest. Catullus superbē respondet, “Id est quod erat.[27] Nēmō nihil[28] habet. Nihil[29] erat neque ipsīs[30] incolīs quī illīc[31] habitant neque praetōribus[32] ipsīs nec cohortī[33] quī auxiliō praetōribus[34] erant.”
Vārus Catullum spectat ut Catullus ipse īnsānus est, sed puella lepidē[35] eum spectat. Itaque, Catullus dīcit, “Cūr quisquam[36] ā Bīthȳniā caput ūnctius referret,[37] nesciō. Nōn potest! Nēmō potest, ut putō, praesertim quibus[38] hominibus praetor esset irrumātor,[39] nec faceret pilī cohortem.[40] Et nihil[41] sine cohortī[42] ille irrumātor praetorquē[43] agere potest.”
Omnēs Catullum iam spectant, praesertim[44] quia Catullus dīxit praetōrem[45] in Bīthȳniā fuisse irrumātōrem,[46] nōn imperātōrem.
“Tūne comparīstī hominēs ad lectīcam illīc?” [47] Vir rogat rīdēns.
Puella lepida dīcit, “Nōnne lectīcae[48] in Bīthȳniā nātae sunt?”[49]
“At certē tamen,”[50] Vārus inquit, “quod nātum dīcitur esse,[51] hominēs ad lectīcam comparāstī.”[52]
Puella dīcit, “Ego hoc dīxī.”
Catullus puellam spectat. Catullus, ut faciat sē beātiōrem puellae venustae,[53] “Fortūna[54] in Bīthȳniā mala[55] erat, sed quod prōvincia incīdisset mala,[56] nihil referret.[57] Nōn,” inquit, “tam fuit malignē mihi,[58] ut nōn possem octo hominēs rēctōs parāre.”[59]
Catullus superbus rīdet… sed in animō suō, vērum scit: At Catullō nūllus homō erat[60]—nec hīc[61] Rōmae neque illīc[62] in illā prōvinciā—quī collocāre posset frāctum pedem veteris grabātī in collō sibi.[63] Catullus puellam spectat.
Puella Catullum spectāns et rīdēns, “Ō, mī Catulle,” inquit,[64] “quaesō, commodā istōs hominēs rēctōs paulum,[65] nam ego volō ad deam Serapim in templō suō lectīcā dēferrī, [66] sed hominēs rēctōs[67] quī ferre[68]mē illūc possint nōn habeō.”
Catullus nescit quid agere dēbeat. Puella eum spectat. Vārus eum spectat rīdēns quia scit Catullum hominēs nōn habēre. Omnēs Catullum spectat. At Catullō nūllus homō erat nec hīc[69] Rōmae neque illīc[70] in Bīthȳniā quī collocāre etiam frāctum pedem veteris grabātī in collō posset.[71] Quid agat?
Catullus puellam spectat. Catullus nōn iam putat puellam esse lepidam et venustam.[72] Illepida et invenusta est.[73] Hoc rogātum decuit cinaediōrem scortillum.[74]
“Manē,”[75] Catullus inquit[76] puellae, “istōs[77] hominēs quod modo dīxeram mē habēre,[78] bene, ratiō mē fūgit.[79] Meus sodālis, Cinna,[80] em, ille est Gāius,[81] is parāvit[82] istōs servōs sibi. Vērum utrum illīus Cinnae an meī,[83] quid ad mē refert?[84] Ego ūtor[85] illīs servīs tam bene quam[86] ego servōs mihi parāverim.”[87]
Puella rīdet. Vārus quoque rīdet. Omnēs rīdent, nisi Catullus. Omnēs sciunt Catullum nūllōs et nihil habēre.[88]
“Vah,” Catullus inquit, “tū vīvis īnsulsa male et molesta, per quam nōn licet mihi esse neglegentem!”[89]
“Ō, Catulle, nōn licet[90] tibi mentīrī,” puella rīdēns respondet.
[1] Varus, one of Catullus’s friends
[2] Forum
[3] At leisure, idle
[4] My little whore, a diminutive.
[5] I am leading
[6] To visit, to go to see; a supine
[7] To my loves
[8] He is led
[9] To his loves
[10] Leads
[11] Immediately
[12] My little whore, a diminutive.
[13] She seems
[14] Not of course uncharming and unattractive
[15] Charming
[16] Attractive
[17] The conversations are various
[18] We fall into
[19] Conversations
[20] Bithynia, a Roman province that neighbored Asia.
[21] Seems
[22] It’s true. Catullus went to this province in 57 B.C.E. with the governor Memmius.
[23] What is Bithynia (like) now?
[24] How is Bithynia; what’s going on in Bithynia
[25] Immediately
[26] And with what bronze has Bithynia benefited you?
[27] It is what it was.
[28] Nothing
[29] Nothing
[30] Neither to those
[31] There (Bithynia)
[32] Nor to the praetors
[33] Nor to the cohort
[34] Praetors
[35] Charmingly
[36] Why anyone
[37] Would bring back a more oily (with expensive perfumes and oils)
[38] Especially to which (people)
[39] The praetor was obscene, a pervert
[40] Nor did he care a jot about the cohort; facere pilī is an idiom meaning to value very little; literally, to make of a hair.
[41] Nothing
[42] Cohort
[43] That pervert and praetor
[44] Nothing
[45] Praetor
[46] Pervert
[47] You obtained men for the litter there
[48] Litters
[49] Born there
[50] But certainly nevertheless
[51] What is said to be born
[52] You obtained the men for the litter
[53] So he might make himself more fortunate for the attractive girl
[54] Fortune
[55] Bad
[56] What evil the province brought
[57] It did not matter
[58] It was not, he said, so badly for me
[59] That I was not able to obtain eight straight-backed men
[60] But there was no man
[61] Neither here
[62] Nor there
[63] Who would be able to place the broken leg of an old cot on his neck
[64] She said
[65] Lend those straight-backed men to me for a little while
[66] For I want to be carried to the goddess Sarapis. Sarapis was an Egyptian deity.
[67] Straight-backed people
[68] To bear
[69] But to Catullus there was neither here
[70] Nor there
[71] Who would be able to place even the brokenf oot of an old cot
[72] Charming and attractive
[73] Uncharming and unattractive
[74] Befitted a rather saucy minx. Cinaediorem is a comparative adjective of a word that is rare. In its noun form, it implies a kind of pejorative sexual activity or knowledge about that activity. Translating it with apt modern connotations is challenging.
[75] Wait
[76] Said
[77] Such
[78] Which recently I had said that I had
[79] Reason fled me.
[80] My companion, Cinna
[81] He’s Gaius
[82] He obtained (them) for himself
[83] But whether (they are) his or mine
[84] What does it matter
[85] I use
[86] As well as
[87] I obtained (them) for myself
[88] That he has no one and nothing
[89] You live (are) badly tasteless and troublesome, through which it is not allowed for me to be careless.
[90] It’s not allowed
Catullus 10: English Word Order
Meus Vārus duxerat mē ōtiōsum ē forō vīsum ad suōs amōrēs, scortillum, ut tum repente vīsum est mihi, nōn sānē illepidum neque invenustum. Ut vēnimus hūc, variī sermōnēs incidēre (incidērunt) nōbīs: in quibus, quid iam esset, quō modō habēret sē; et quōnam prōfuisset aere mihi. Respondī id quod erat, nihil esse neque ipsīs (incōlīs) nec praetōribus nec cohortī, cūr quisquam referret ūnctius caput, praesertim quibus (hominibus) praetor esset irrumātor, nec faceret pilī cohortem. “At certē tamen, “inquiunt, “quod dīcitur nātum esse illic, comparāstī homines ad lectīcam.” Ut facerem mē ūnum beātiōrem puellae, ego inquam, “Nōnfuirt tam malignē mihi, ut quod mala prōvincia incidisset, nōn possem parāre octō rēctōs hominēs.” At nūllus erat mī (mihi) nec hīc (Rōmae) neque illic (in Bīthȳniā) quī posset collocāre frāctum pedem veteris grabātī in collō sibi. Hīc, ut decuit cinaediōrem (puellam), “Quaesō,” illa inquit, “mī Catulle, commoda mihi istōs (hominēs) paulum, nam volō ad dēferrī Serāpim.” “Mane,” ego inquiī puellae, “istud quod modo dīxeram mē habēre, ratiō fūgit mē: meus sodālis Cinna est Gāĭus—is parāvit (istōs hominēs) sibī; vērum utrum illius (Cinnae) an meī, quid ad mē (refert)? Ūtor (istīs hominibus) tam bene quam parārim (parāverim) mihī. Sed tū vīvis male insulsa et molesta, per quam nōn licet esse neglegentem!”
Catullus 10: The Original Poem
Vārus mē meus ad suōs amōrēs vīsum duxerat ē forō ōtiōsum, scortillum, ut mihi tum repente vīsum est, nōn sānē illepidum neque invenustum. Hūc ut vēnimus, incidēre nōbīs sermōnēs variī: in quibus, quid esset iam Bīthȳnia; quō modō sē habēret; et quōnam mihi prōfuisset aere. Respondī id quod erat, nihil neque ipsīs nec praetōribus esse nec cohortī, cūr quisquam caput ūnctius referret, praesertim quibus esset irrumātor praetor, nec faceret pilī cohortem. "At certē tamen" inquiunt "quod illic nātum dīcitur esse, comparāsti ad lectīcam hominēs." Ego, ut puellae ūnum mē facerem beātiōrem, "nōn" inquam "mihi tam fuit malignē, ut, prōvincia quod mala incidisset, nōn possem octō hominēs parāre rēctōs." At mī nūllus erat nec hīc neque illic, frāctum quī veteris pedem grabātī in collō sibi collocāre posset. Hīc illa, ut decuit cinaediōrem, "quaesō" inquit "mihi, mī Catulle, paulum istōs commoda, nam volō ad Serāpim dēferrī." "Mane," inquiī puellae, "istud quod modo dīxeram mē habēre, fūgit mē ratiō: meus sodālis Cinna est Gāĭus — is sibī parāvit; vērum utrum illius an meī, quid ad mē? Ūtor tam bene quam mihī parārim. Sed tū insulsa male et molesta vīvis, per quam nōn licet esse neglegentem!"
The image for this title page comes from the British Library’s catalogue of illuminated manuscripts. I am grateful that the image is dedicated to the public domain. I have done minor photoshop editing to clarify the image, crop it, and add a heading for the poem.
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